How Happy I Am To See You, He Burbled
A recent conversation with an editing client who was unsure as to when “said” could be replaced with “stated” brought up a whole lot of responses when I shared it with some colleagues. And it seems that a number of those responses are worth sharing here.
Many writers believe – mistakenly, to my point of view – that using “said” as a dialogue tag is to be avoided. Not so! The point of a dialogue tag is to be invisible: what you want readers to focus on is not how something was said, but on what was said. Using too many other words, some of which require mental gymnastics to read and assimilate, calls attention to the wrong place altogether.
One colleague introduced me to “Tom Swifties”: a word game where people compete to come up with particular apt over-the-top ways to avoid or embellish “said,” in the manner of the Tom Swift series of boys’ books, as in:
There’s room for one more, Tom admitted.
I like modern painting, said Tom abstractedly.
And so on. I know what we’re playing the next time my family is on a long car trip!
“I am of the school,” says Chad Skaggs, a writer from Decatur, Georgia, “which maintains that “said” never can be overused. I will allow use of such words as “he screamed” or “she shouted” when that is what happened. When I was professing journalism I used to tell my students that “said” is like bread: It will go with almost anything without affecting the flavor. It adds no flavor of its own. In these ways it is unlike such terms as “he noted” (implies that it’s a fact of which he took note), “she retorted” (implies a snarkiness which may be inappropriate to her reply), “he stated” (suggests formality which may not have been there). Like bread, “said” will go with every meal without our being likely to notice it or tire of it. That’s not true of most other terms of attribution.”
My friend Katie, who teaches writing, has a lot to say on the topic. “I was first introduced to all these said-substitutes under the delightful term said-bookism. Apparently there was a spate of books published in the early years of the twentieth century listing alternatives for “said” so that writer could avoid the dread repetition.
Some writers whose work I enjoy and admire have a problem with said-bookisms, but I try to squelch the tendency among my students. In particular, I get rather emphatic on said-bookisms that are not methods of speaking. As I tell them, no one can smile a sentence.
Some verbs that produce sound also need be handled with extreme care: hissing sentences that have no S sounds in them, for example. Or my favorite, from one of my books. (This was a copy-edit from hell, from the writer’s POV.) By the third page, I’ve already established that my protagonist is irritated and has been dealing with prank phone calls. So the phone rings yet again. I had “She snatched it up. ‘Hello!’”
I thought this was perfectly clear. The CE felt it necessary to change this to “She snatched it up. ‘Hello!’ she barked into the phone.” YOU try barking that word. I promise, you’ll sound like Scooby-Doo. I got it put back the way I’d had it.
I cannot cite chapter and verse, alas, but I’ve read studies that have been done with readers that show the humble “said” is damned near invisible. Readers absorb it as a marker, without losing the thread of the dialogue. I believe they tracked eye movements. ALL the said-bookisms disrupted the flow.
For “state” and “say” specifically, I would point out that to state something implies a Jovian assurance. Take this pair of sentences:
“It’s cold,” she said.
“It’s cold,” she stated.
The first simply makes a simple declaration of an opinion. The second defies argument and makes the susceptible feel as though they’re personally responsible for the temperature!
One final note: when I warn my students about said-bookisms, I also tell them that one way of avoiding an overuse of “said” is to use what I call “action tags.” Took me a while to come up with a good concise definition and I’m open to suggested alterations, but here’s what I currently use. An action tag is one or more sentences that do NOT contain a quotation but which identify the speaker by means of a non-speech verb.
Example:
“It’s cold.” Katie shivered and crossed the room. The thermostat insisted it was seventy degrees. She shook her head. “I don’t care what that thing reads, it’s still cold in here!”
No confusion about who is speaking, action is incorporated into the dialogue, and I didn’t use the word said or any said-bookisms. Action tags are a fiction-writer’s friend. (But they work just as well in nonfiction.)
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So there it is, she said. Use tags correctly and you’ll be … beyond the elements of style!
Posted in About Writing, Grammar on March 18th, 2007